More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
