member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Randomize
