3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
