I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
