those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
