That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize