were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
