Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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