The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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