I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize