Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
