oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
