So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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