dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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