This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
