I intend to get homeless drunk
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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