Can i not drive my cunt home
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
