Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
