Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
