Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
