apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
