that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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