I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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