They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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