I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
