I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
