i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
