I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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