Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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