If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Did we literally take a cab across the street
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
