All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
