someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
