i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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