i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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