I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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