Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
