i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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