I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
