You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
