we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
