WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
