dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
