You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
