Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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