hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
