We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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