everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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