I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
