I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
be right there i have to get my cape
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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