You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
